2014-Mom

A blur…that’s what 2014 was.  It passed so swiftly and now I reflect on the occurrences that have now become part of my life’s history! 

IMG_0563The main one being the loss of my Mother on July 1, 2014.  She almost made it to her 89th birthday, DSCN5753July 24th.  She and Dad would have been married 65 years on August 2nd.  She tried so hard and became so exhausted, she still wanted to go home.  She was so  tired of the hospital stays and the rehabilitation at the nursing home.  She did manage to be home for about 4-days, but from April to July she was was either in the hospital or in rehab with the exception of the few days mentioned.  She wanted to live, but she wasn’t afraid to die.  Mom knew where she was going if she died and was not afraid.  It was not her earthly home but to her heavenly home that God chose to take her.   I spent ten days with her in April and I’m so thankful and blessed to have shared that time with her.  It was very difficult for me not to have her with me so I could care for her on a daily basis.  I miss her every day.  It has been eight months since she soared to her heavenly home.

Relatives from California, Oklahoma  and Texas that I hadn’t seen in many, many years were at her Memorial Service and our family came from Tennessee, Wisconsin and Illinois.   It was wonderful to visit with family and reminisce.  Mom would have loved seeing everyone together having a good time.  She loved and enjoyed her family.  This is a photo of our family the Childers, Dad Wilson, and the Nunleys.

Moms funeral- family photo 7-2014

My Dad came to live with us, hesitantly!  And he is still missing Missouri.  He’s 89 years old and doesn’t Mom and Dad Wilson - Joplin, MO -2realize that he cannot live by himself as he is almost totally blind and deaf.  He is rapidly losing his memory and is repeating the same stories every evening.  Names of people and places where he has lived are forgotten.   But he can ambulate well and dress himself.  He still loves his coffee and sweets!  Every other day or so he is moving back to Missouri or California…I’m not sure how he plans to get there or how he plans to take care of himself?  We take each day as it comes with much Prayer! Pray for contentment and acceptance.  I know he misses Mom very much.

Mine and Bud’s routines have drastically changed .  We’ve adapted and some things have been for the better.  We read the Bible aloud for an hour most every evening because Dad can’t see to read and he enjoys hearing God’s Word.  I enjoy it too.   I missed my early morning quiet time, but from April 2014 until now, that daily routine was set aside to maybe once a week.   I have purposed in 2015 to begin again.   It makes such a difference in my day if I spend time in reading and prayer before the busyness of the day starts.   I really missed those early mornings in His presence.  My heart has longed for His whisperings and my desire has grown strong within me.  I cannot survive without our time together!

My life will never be the same.  Losing a parent is difficult and makes one look at their own life from a totally different perspective.  Life is not the same as it once was.  I can’t call Mom up and talk to her…her phone number is still in my phone.  I don’t have any desire to erase it…it’s as if she’s still here if I leave it there.  Emotionally,  I’ve not had time to grieve for her with Dad here,  my time has been taken up caring for him.   I do find myself waking up in the middle of the night with the tears flowing, or at work thinking of her and not believing she’s really gone.  I’ve even listened to her voice mail until it disappeared off my phone.  I just needed to hear her voice once more..

I would not wish her to come back… She’s no longer weak or in pain,  but strong and rejoicing…a better place.  But I miss her.

I have thoughts and goals for 2015.  I’ve been challenged to accomplish several things this year, physically and spiritually.  I will endeavor to write those in other blog posts at another time.

One is past and another year begins…  

Pam (Heartwhispers)

 

One thought on “2014-Mom

  1. My precious friend…my heart and love go out to you all. I understand more than I wish I did. My love and prayers surround you always.

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